Room For Rent II
by The Rabid Toenail
Summary: (COMPLETE)(Shounen-ai, BxR, YxY, MxM, etc.) The insanity continues with the sequel to RFR! Ryou's dad shows up after 5 years of wandering Egypt! How will this affect Bakura's and Ryou's relationship? Badly, I'm afraid...
1. Chapter One

Room For Rent II  
  
Disclaimer: not mine...  
  
Warnings: BxR, YxY, MxM, etc., lack of plot, stupidness...  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Oh, and... an announcement. For this chapter, at least, I have decided to explain at the end of the chappy some of the jokes that nobody really understands... mou.  
  
Chapter One  
  
"Taikutsu na yoru ni taikutsu na asa wo matsu koto wa naino sa ashita wo tobikousu hanetsuki de SHUUZU de isoge hayaku!"  
  
"...?"  
  
"I like this song!" Bakura yelled in an attempt to justify his singing of random Odorobou Jing songs.  
  
"Right... and why'd I agree to go out with you again?"  
  
"Because you find me irresistible!" Bakura proclaimed.  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
The two of them were sitting on Ryou's front porch swing, enjoying the lovely May afternoon. "Saa... I really need to be studying right now..." Ryou murmured, but didn't have the will to pull himself from his comfy spot in Bakura's arms. "...If I don't ace my finals, I'll get baaaaaaaad grades."  
  
"All right, Ryou," Bakura said, sitting up. "I'll take your math finals and you can take my literature finals. We look so much alike that no one would know the difference!"  
  
"...but that'd be cheating, 'Kura..."  
  
"So? Then we'd both get good grades! The world would be a happier place!"  
  
Ryou looked up at Bakura. "No."  
  
"Aww, why not? You know I'm not good in language!" Bakura whined, giving his best impression of 'The Sad Ryou Face That Can Turn Anyone Into a Quivering Puddle of Goo'.  
  
Ryou blinked. "It's not working, Bakura."  
  
  
  
"Aww, quit it already! I said I wasn't going to and I'm not!" Ryou huffed, going into his PMS mode easily.  
  
"Well then... will you at least help me study?" Bakura asked pleadingly.  
  
Ryou sighed. "Of course I will."  
  
"...and will you tell me all the answers?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Bakura whimpered.  
  
"Will you two keep it down out there?!" neighbor-man yelled from his kitchen, where he was washing dishes while wearing a flowery pink apron. "If you're going to go at it, at least do it inside!"  
  
Bakura glared in the general direction of said annoying fruity-yet- married to a woman neighbor. "He was mean to us at Christmas, too... grrrrrr." Bakura bared his pointy teeth.  
  
"Calm down, Bakura. Don't attack the poor silly man," Ryou advised, wrapping his arms around Bakura's stomach. (We worship Bakura's abs!).  
  
Bakura gasped, turning to look at Ryou. "Yay! Ryou's being affectionate!" Bakura grinned.  
  
"Bakura."  
  
"What?"  
  
"SPINAAAAAAAAAAACH!"  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Bakura fell onto the porch in his haste to get away from the scary, spinach-obsessed Ryou. "Eek!" he squeaked, before struggling to his feet and running into the driveway. "Ha ha ha, you can't get me—" he heard a roar behind him, and turned to see a car going at sixty miles an hour, heading straight for him. "—Now..." He jumped to the side, landing face first in the grass as the car screeched to a halt beside him.  
  
He glared as the car door opened and out stepped... a man (Dun Dun DUN!). A man named... something or other that the author can't remember at the moment. --;; Ahem. Ryou rushed over to check on Bakura.  
  
"Bakura, Bakura, are you O.K.?!"   
  
"I'm fine, Ry—" Bakura began, but was halted when aforementioned man exclaimed.  
  
"Ryou!" Ryou turned to look up at the man. "Ryou, my son!" The man ran in slow-motion to meet Ryou in the midst of pretty wildflowers.  
  
"You're not Otogi pretending to be my father, are you?" Ryou asked, staring at the strange man who had just hugged him.  
  
"What's an O-to-gi?"  
  
"A stupid fruity man!"  
  
"Waaaaaaaaah!" Otogi cried from offstage.  
  
"There, there," Honda whispered, patting Otogi's back and glaring at Bakura.  
  
"What? It was in the script," Bakura said, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
The man coughed. "As you can tell, I am not this O-to-gi. I am Ryou's fashah!"  
  
"What are you doing here, then?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Well, I finally found my way back home."  
  
"You were wandering around the Sahara for five years. How can you suddenly just stumble across an airport or something?"  
  
Ryou's father glanced around, before leaning in closer to the other two. "_PLOTHOLES_!" he yelled.  
  
"AHH, I'M GOING DEAF!" Bakura yelled at the top of his lungs, clutching his ears and dancing around the yard.  
  
"By the way, Ryou... who is that strange man? Have I seen him on America's Most Wanted before?"  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped. "That's Bakura. He's a mental patient."  
  
"Oh. Well, what's he _doing_ here?"  
  
"Erm... hold on; I'll ask him," Ryou said quickly, before turning to the still-dancing Bakura. He grasped Bakura's elbow, yanking him to a stop. "Bakura!" he hissed.  
  
"Eh? What's wrong, Ryou?"  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"Because I rented out your guest room," Bakura answered. "...even though I rarely sleep there."  
  
Ryou poked Bakura angrily. "Yeah right. So, what do I tell my father?"  
  
"...how should I know? He's your relative."  
  
"Well, err... Dad doesn't know that I'm gay."  
  
"Wow," Bakura muttered, staring at the sky and whistling. "That might be a problem. Ask him what his political standing is."  
  
"Daddy, what's your political position?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Upright, of course!"  
  
Ryou blinked. "Are you a conservative or a liberal?"  
  
"Umm... what are those, ways of putting cream cheese on bagels?"  
  
"AAAAARGH!" Ryou yelled, stomping off and plopping down on the grass.  
  
"Aww, Ryou-chan," Bakura murmured, stroking Ryou's hair gently. "How about I help you out, koi?"  
  
"Don't do anything stupid..." Ryou muttered, sniffing.  
  
"Ha ha! Me, the _Great, Magnificent, Sexy, Humble_ Bakura? I think not," he said grandly as he walked over to Ryou's father.  
  
"Hello, Bakura the mental patient. Did you take your medication today?"  
  
Bakura took a moment to glare at Ryou before turning back to the man. "Ahem. I will choose to ignore that comment. Now," Bakura began, clearing his throat, "If your son was involved in a relationship with another male, would you be upset?"  
  
"My son Ryou is not gay! How dare you insinuate that my little Ryou- chan is gay?!" the man asked accusingly. "Oh, wait. That explains it, you're mental..."  
  
Bakura sighed, walking back over to Ryou and sitting beside him. "Ryou-chan?"  
  
"Yesh?"  
  
"I hope you don't desperately want your father's approval or anything..." Bakura muttered. "Because if you do, our relationship is screwed."  
  
Ryou sighed. "Hmm... listen, Bakura..."  
  
"Ryou-chan?" he asked, eyes shining with unshed tears.  
  
"Don't start crying, Bakura. I'm just going to try and find a way to convince my father that being gay isn't a bad thing... but until then, you're not going to be able to live here."  
  
"W-why?" Bakura asked, bottom lip trembling. "There's room, isn't there?"  
  
"Yes, but... I don't trust you to stay off of me while father is around. I know you, Bakura. You're constantly trying to be affectionate! You even try to make me sit in your lap during breakfast!"  
  
"So! Are you saying you don't like it when I'm affectionate?!"  
  
"Ba-ku-ra..." Ryou said, exasperated. "Don't put words in my mouth."  
  
"Then what _can_ I put in your mouth?" Bakura asked innocently.  
  
Ryou glared at him. "You just can't stay here, O.K. Give me a month at the most—and if I can't get him to understand by then, I'll let you move back in regardless. Deal?" He held his hand out to Bakura.  
  
Bakura reluctantly shook Ryou's hand. "But I... I don't want to leave you, Ryou!" He said, pulling Ryou into a tight hug.  
  
Ryou returned the hug, hands resting on Bakura's back. "I know, Baku- chan... but we'll be together again soon, ne?"  
  
"I guess so... but I'll miss you..." Bakura said, lips set in a pout.  
  
The two stood, looking at each other. "Come on, Bakura. I bet Mariku and Malik will let you stay with them..."  
  
"The _sex fiends_? I don't wanna stay with them..." Bakura whined.  
  
"Well it's either them or Otogi," Ryou reminded.  
  
"...I guess I'll stay with Mariku and Malik, then..."  
  
"_WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE MEEEEEEE_?!" Otogi yelled, sobbing.  
  
"Hey, Ryou? What was all that yelling and sobbing just now?" his father asked.  
  
Ryou blanched. "Come inside, Dad. Staying out here isn't good for your sun poisoning..." He pushed the man inside the house, then turned back to Bakura, fingers still twined around the door handle. "Ja ne, Bakura... daisuki yo!"  
  
"..._daisuki yo_," Bakura said, glumly, waving until Ryou went back inside, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

And thus the first chapter has ended! Now I shall explain the weird jokes that only I would understand!  
  
Err... not really a joke. But those are the first two lines to the song 'Shout It Loud' (the song I'm currently obsessed with) by Scudelia Electro... it's the opening theme to Odorobou Jing (AKA King of Bandit Jing)  
  
Ahem. Similar to the 'AJ, AJ, ARE YOU OK?' from Potholes. In 8th grade, I had a first aid/health class. There were dummies in the class (plastic dummies, although we had carbon-based ones too...) that we performed the Heimlich, CPR, and stuff on. The instructor of the class would always beat on their chest and go, "AJ, AJ, ARE YOU OK?"... and now everyone who had that class laughs muchly about it.  
  
6-03-04 


	2. Chapter Two

Room For Rent II  
  
Chapter Two  
  
"Welcome home, Dad!" Ryou said, as he stepped into the living room after his father.  
  
The man blinked. "The furniture is different..."  
  
"Well, err... the couch just fell apart one day, and I decided, since I had to get a new couch anyway, I might as well redo the room..."  
  
His father sniffed. "I liked this room."  
  
"The wallpaper was from the sixties. Otogi made fun of me whenever he came over."  
  
"Mmn. So peer pressure made you do this? DON'T BOW DOWN TO PEER PRESSURE! DON'T DO IT!"  
  
"Calm down, Dad. The rest of the house is nice and hippie-fied, just like you liked it way back when."  
  
The man gave a sigh of relief. "I hope you haven't mauled my bedroom in any way."  
  
Ryou laughed nervously. "Like I'd go in there! That place is creepy, with all those mummified peppers and stuff..."  
  
"I like the mummified peppers. They're _cute_," he said, cuddling an imaginary mummified pepper.  
  
Ryou cleared his throat. "Should I cook us some dinner, then?"  
  
"Certainly. Do we have any octopus?"  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped. "Err... no. But we do have some spinach... and Brussels sprouts."  
  
"Eww," the man wrinkled his nose. "Nasty vegetables."  
  
"How about Ramen, then?"  
  
"Ramen it is!" the man shouted quickly, raising his hands joyfully into the air before wandering to the living room to cry about the modern decorations.  
  
Ryou huffed, filling a pot with water and waiting for it to boil. "Gah! Everything's messed up now!" There was no annoying Bakura to try and grope him while in the middle of cooking, no psychotic yelling at electronic devices from the other room, and certainly no whining about Ryou's 'inability to show affection' or his 'terrible tendency to not be a good uke'.  
  
"Mou... and it hasn't even been that long since Baku-chan left..." he sighed, hoisting himself to sit on the counter beside the stove. He leaned against the cabinet, watching the pot of water out of the corner of his eye. A tiny bubble appeared. One, two...seventeen... forty-eight... "Ahhh!" Ryou suddenly awoke from his trance, turning the heat setting of the eye down before the water boiled over.  
  
"Don't explode on me, hippie stove! I beg of you!" Ryou said, pouring noodles into the pan. "Make love, not war!"  
  
"...Ryou?"  
  
"Hm?" Ryou asked, looking up from his praying to the stove.  
  
"What's this thing on top of the TV?"  
  
Ryou shrugged, following him into the living room. "Oh! A wax pineapple."  
  
"What's a wax pineapple doing on top of the TV?"  
  
"Whatever it wants, I suppose."  
  
"It's an inanimate object. It doesn't _want_ anything," his father explained.  
  
"Then why don't you ask it what it's doing? And while you're doing that, I'll go save the Ramen—I bet it's about burnt to a crisp by now."  
  
"Ryou, is there something wrong?" his father asked between bites of crunchy 'chicken' flavored noodles.  
  
"No. Why would anything be wrong?" Ryou said, voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Oh, well that's good. So, what are you studying for in college? You are _in_ college, aren't you?"  
  
"I'm studying literature. I'm going to be a high school teacher."  
  
"That's nice. Do you have a girlfriend?"  
  
"_No_."  
  
"Well, why not?"  
  
"Because I have a _boyfriend_," Ryou snapped.  
  
"Haha!" Ryou's father laughed. "You were always so funny, Ryou."  
  
Ryou glared at him, but the man seemed not to notice. "This Ramen is lovely."  
  
"It's burnt."  
  
"So? You cook like your mother!"  
  
"Well, I just think it feels _so_ good to carry on the family tradition," Ryou said, flashing his father a large, fake smile.  
  
"That's my boy!" the man said, before getting up and taking his plate to the sink. "I think I'll go see what's on TV..."  
  
Ryou sighed, getting up and dragging his own plate to the sink. He washed the two plates off before storing them in the dishwasher.  
  
"RYOU!" came the yell from the living room.  
  
Ryou sighed, wandering to the living room. "What is it?" he asked, sinking tiredly onto the couch.  
  
"AMERICAN IDOL IS OVER!!!"  
  
"Dad, that show ended years ago."  
  
"B-but... I loved American Idol!"  
  
"It'll be O.K., Daddy. It's not the end of the world."  
  
"Ye-yes it is! _Waaaaaaaah_!" His father began sobbing into a pillow.  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes, changing the channel and hoping Bakura was having a better time than he was...

* * *

"Mou..." Bakura whined, shoving yet another spoonful of chocolate pudding in his mouth. It was three in the morning and Bakura couldn't sleep; so naturally, he was lounging on the couch, watching cheesy romance films and eating chocolate pudding. I mean, who _doesn't_ do that?  
  
"Bakuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaa," Malik whined, plopping on the couch beside the white-haired boy/man/thing. "Quit eating all of our chocolate pudding! We're going to need it later!"  
  
Bakura growled threateningly at Malik, "You can use whipped cream for that!"  
  
Malik's lip trembled. "B-but... we just ran out of that five minutes ago!" He fell dramatically onto Bakura's shoulder, sobbing into it.  
  
"Then quit having sex so much!"  
  
Malik gasped, staring at Bakura with a horrified look in his eyes. "How dare you even _suggest_ such a thing?!"  
  
"What's going on out there?" came the deep voice of Mariku from the hallway.  
  
"He keeps eating our special pudding!" Malik whined.  
  
Mariku entered the living, room, glaring at Bakura. "What's the point of eating it while it's still in the cup? You're completely wasting it if you're not licking it off someone else."  
  
Oo Poor little Baku-chan was severely disturbed.  
  
Without too much warning, little alarm bells began ringing out all over the house. "Ah!" Malik shouted. "It must be that time again, ne?"  
  
Bakura wisely covered his eyes with his hands, not wanting to know what it was time for. He heard a happy-bouncy tune, and curiously peeked out from between his fingers. "AHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled, diving under the couch.  
  
"Ha ha ha! Does little Bakura not like watching 'Days of Our Lives'?" Mariku asked, tugging on Bakura's hair and sitting him on the floor in front of the TV.  
  
Bakura hid his eyes with his bangs. "Why is a soap opera on at—" he checked his watch, "—four in the morning?"  
  
"Because," Mariku said with a flourish, striking a Ginyu pose, "WE HAVE TIVO!"  
  
"Yesh! We can watch all of our favorite shows at our convenience!!!" Malik said, joyous tears shining in his eyes.  
  
"...and four in the morning is at your convenience?" Bakura asked incredulously.  
  
"Why, of course. The rest of the time we're going at it, you know."  
  
"You're hopeless."  
  
"Hopelessly in love, yes," Malik cooed happily, latching onto Mariku's arm.  
  
"Urgh... this is icky. I shall go forth and barf now."  
  
"No!" Malik suddenly shrieked. "Don't do it, Bakura!" He grabbed Bakura's arm, pulling him back.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"THEN YOU'RE WASTING ALL THE PUDDING! I mean, before it was at least allowing you to have wet dreams about Ryou, but if you throw it up, it's not worth anything!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Bakura ran away from the sobbing Malik, slamming the door of his bedroom shut and locking it. "Maybe I'd have been better off staying with Otogi..."  
  
Otogi smiles.  
  
"Yeah right. Even hell in a hand basket is better than dealing with Otogi."  
  
Otogi sobs.  
  
AN: Yay! ...even though nobody's reviewing and I'm dying of lack of reviews and tuberculosis and a tumor!!!  
  
(It's not a tumor!)  
  
Shut it, you! It IS a tumor!!! Ahem. Now, I'm getting desperate. If I don't get at least five reviews for this chapter, I'm not posting another chapter! ...I'll still write them, but you won't get to see them! Tee-hee! I'm so evil!  
  
So review! 


	3. Chapter Three

Room For Rent II  
  
Chapter Three  
  
"Hey, Ryouuuuuuuu," his father said, looking up from where he had been raptly watching C-SPAN.  
  
It was early morning and Ryou was moodier than normal. "What?" he croaked.  
  
"They're talking about Funny Bunny on TV!"  
  
"That's great... now I need some coffee..."  
  
"I love Funny Bunny!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Ryou mumbled sleepily as he searched the cabinets for some coffee.  
  
"Oooh, Ryou! _Ryou_!"  
  
"What do you want now?"  
  
Ryou's father blinked before deciding to ignore Ryou's bad mood. "This guy... he wrote a book about Funny Bunny!"  
  
"..."  
  
"And he's having a book signing in town today! Can we go? Huh, can we?"  
  
"...and _who's_ the child here?"  
  
"...You," his father admitted. "So, will you take me? _Huh_?"  
  
Ryou glanced up at the TV; on the screen was the (in)famous Pegasus J. Crawford, weird red suit and all. Pegasus had many secret (and not so secret) names—'Creator of Duel Monsters', 'Weird Guy with the Golden Eyeball', 'That Man', 'That Mental Dude Who Is Obsessed with Funny Bunny', and 'That Fruity Guy with Silvery Hair'... _wait_!  
  
"Fine, I'll take you to see him... but only if I get some coffee first!"  
  
"Okey-dokey!" his father said, saluting Ryou.  
  
Ryou sighed, exasperated, and went to find some caffeine. At least the fact that Pegasus was bi helped Ryou out a little... if his father was obsessed with a bisexual, then maybe there would be a chance for him accepting Ryou and Bakura...  
  
Finally finding some instant coffee, Ryou made a cup and sipped it greedily.  
  
"Tra la la, the birdies and the flowers, oh happy day, la la la..."  
  
Ryou decided to ignore his father's singing, dumping a cup of sugar into his coffee. He drank the rest before placing the mug in the dishwasher and strolling out into the living room, slightly more amiable than before.  
  
"Come on. We're going to your book signing. Get in the car."  
  
"I want a lollipop!" the man suddenly yelled.  
  
"It ain't my problem, is it?"  
  
"Yesh it is! I want a lollipop!"  
  
"Then buy one! You're forty-something! I don't have to cater to your every whim!"  
  
"B-but... I have sun poisoning! I could be dying right now!" Ryou's father fell dramatically to the couch.  
  
Several anger marks had appeared on Ryou's forehead by now. "All right... deep breaths... Father, either I take you to the book signing _now_ or you _don't go at all_."  
  
"Oh. O.K.! You lead the way to the car, then!"  
  
Ryou glared, making his way to the car.

* * *

"Oooh _yeeeeeees_, I adore Funny Bunny as well! Isn't he just the funniest little bunny rabbit?" Ryou sighed in exasperation as the voice of Pegasus drifted from the front of the room. There was a long line stretching from the table the man was sitting at to the doorway of the room. Ryou and his father were at the back of aforementioned line.  
  
"Wow! Isn't that guy just the coolest! I can't believe so many people like Funny Bunny just as much as I do!" Ryou's father was squealing like a teenage girl at a Bad Luck concert.  
  
"I am not here," Ryou murmured.  
  
"And doesn't that guy have the greatest suit? It's so red and... _red_!"  
  
"I am not here," Ryou's mantra continued.  
  
"And his hair is silvery and long! He has hair like your mother!"  
  
"I AM NOT HERE!" Ryou yelled, covering his ears and trying to block out his father's running commentary on the magnificence that was Pegasus J. Crawford.  
  
Pegasus stood from his table, staring across the room to see who had just yelled like a mental patient on drugs. "Who has just yelled like a mental patient on drugs?" he asked in his deep, Pegasus-type voice that carried across the room.  
  
Ryou hid behind an obese woman carrying a box of chocolates the size of Vatican City, hoping no one would notice him.  
  
"It was my son! He's over here, hiding behind a fat woman with a gigantic box of chocolates!"  
  
"I'm not fat!" the woman yelled, turning to Ryou's father and smacking him about the head with aforementioned box of chocolates. Ryou's father crumpled to the floor.  
  
Pegasus walked over to find out what exactly was going on. "What exactly is going on?" he demanded of Ryou, who was now attempting to hide behind a large ornamental flamingo that was randomly set up in the middle of the room.  
  
"Err... I yelled and then all hell broke loose?" Ryou asked, blinking up at Pegasus with wide brown eyes.  
  
"_Yeeeeees_. And I assume this man is your father?" Pegasus asked, gesturing to the carcass of the crumpled forty-something man on the floor.  
  
"Unfortunately."  
  
"Kids these days. So rude and disrespectful!"  
  
"He pitched a fit and forced me to drive him here!" Ryou said, pouting.  
  
"Is he senile already? He doesn't look old enough to have gray hair, let alone be senile!"  
  
"He has sun poisoning. He wandered Egypt for five years, and now he's more than a _little_ touched in the head," Ryou said.  
  
"Really? I've been to Egypt, too! That's where I got this funky eyeball thingy!" Pegasus said happily, pulling back his hair to reveal the sennen eye embedded in his eye socket.  
  
Ryou turned away under the pretext of seeing if his father was still alive. "Is he all right?" Pegasus asked, peering over Ryou's shoulders.  
  
"He's fine."  
  
"Well, that's good. I guess I'll go back to signing people's books, then."  
  
Ryou's father miraculously awoke, jumping to his feet and grabbing Pegasus's arm. "_Wait_! Sign your book for me, onegai!"  
  
"All right," Pegasus agreed, taking the book from Ryou's father. "So, what's your name?"  
  
Ryou's father looked confused, embarrassment washing over his features. "Erm... Bob?"  
  
"Bob?" Pegasus repeated, staring at Ryou's father.  
  
"Yesh! All sexy, cool people are named Bob!" Ryou's father, Bob proclaimed, as cheesy superhero music played in the background.  
  
"Except for the sexy, cool people named Pegasus, ne?"  
  
"Oh! Of course!"  
  
"Well, there you go, Bob!" Pegasus said brightly, giving the book back to 'Bob'. "Ja ne!"  
  
Pegasus strolled back to his table.  
  
"Wow!" Bob exclaimed, eyes shining. "I didn't even have to wait in that long line! And it's all thanks to you, Ryou! ...and the enormously fat woman!"  
  
Said enormously fat woman glared at him, waving her chocolate box threateningly.  
  
Bob smiled brightly. "Bye-bye, fat lady! And thanks a billion!"  
  
The fat woman broke down into sobs as Bob walked out the door. She feverishly opened her box and began stuffing chocolates the size of coconuts rapid-fire into her mouth.  
  
"Are you O.K., lady?" Ryou asked, pretending to be concerned.  
  
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! Everybody's always so meaaaaaaaaan to meeeeeeeeee!"  
  
"Hey, at least you don't have to live with 'Bob'," Ryou muttered, before walking out the door after his father.  
  
"GUESS WHAT, RYOU?!" Bob yelled happily as soon as Ryou opened the car door.  
  
Ryou glared. "I'm going deaf because of you?"  
  
"LOOK WHAT PEGSY WROTE! SEE, RYOU!" Ryou found a book shoved under his nose.  
  
In an elegant, curly writing was, 'To Bob: I'm glad you love Funny Bunny as much as I do! It's great to find a fan as dedicated as I am! I'd be delighted if you and that incorrigible son of yours would join me for lunch at the Blah Restaurant. Call me!'  
  
"...he signed it 'Pegsy'..." Ryou muttered, feeling nauseous. "And gave you his number..."

"Isn't it just great, Ryou? I get to have lunch with a famous author! And so do you, aren't we soooooo lucky?!"  
  
"..._sure_," Ryou murmured.  
  
AN: Yay! I'm sorry this took so long, but... there were bad things going on and on top of that, I had writer's block for a few days. It's all better now, though!  
  
Oh, and thanks so much for all the reviews! I knew that if I whined and complained enough, people would start reviewing! All the reviewers get yellow roses and other symbols of friendship!  
  
...oh, and to bunnyoverlord: I'm not sure if Ryou was born in Britain or not, but Ryou is Japanese either way because his parents are... and I'm pretty sure he was born in Japan anyway and they just moved to Britain later because of his dad's job.  
  
YOU MUST APPEASE THE REVIEW GOD!  
  
Ja!


	4. Chapter Four

Room for Rent II  
  
Chapter Four  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Bakura yelled, leaning against the door with all his weight. "GET BACK IN THE CLOSET!!!" Bakura panted, barely able to keep the door closed while both Malik and Mariku were pounding on it, trying to break free.  
  
Bakura sat, back against the door. He breathed a sigh of relief as the two maniacal blondes stopped beating against the door. Strange noises sounded behind Bakura. He glared, going off to do something else. Obviously the blondes had agreed to stay in the closet, but only because there were lots of strange outfits and coat hangers...  
  
"Oh, Mariku..." came the voice of Malik. "Again, again!"  
  
Bakura screamed. The phone rang. Bakura screamed again.  
  
Mariku and Malik suddenly ran from the closet, clothes disheveled. "DON'T LET THEM RAPE YOU, 'KURA!" Malik yelled.  
  
Bakura blinked before picking up the phone. "Moshi moshi..."  
  
"BA-KU-RAAAAAAAAAAA!" came Ryou's yell.  
  
"Eek! Ryou-chan, my koi!" Bakura said happily. "I wuv youuuu..."  
  
"Bakuuuuuuraaaa... waaaaaaah!"  
  
"Ah! What's wrong, itooshi? Do I have to kill anyone?"  
  
"Do you know Pegasus J. Crawford?" Ryou asked.  
  
"The fruity guy with silvery hair? Yeah."  
  
"He's taking my father on a date."  
  
"That's odd. I thought Pegasus would want someone prettier... you know, like you, Ryou!"  
  
"Eek! Don't even suggest something like that!" Ryou shrieked.  
  
"Heh. Heh heh heh..."  
  
"Grr... but anyway, Pegasus wants me to come too. I DON'T WANT TO BE MY FATHER'S CHAPERONE!"  
  
"Err... but hey, look at the bright side! You're one step closer to making your father like gay people!"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Just tell him you have to read a book for your Lit class."  
  
"He'd still want me to come."  
  
"Then give him a poisoned lollipop and dump his body in a cornfield!" Bakura suggested joyfully.  
  
"I'm not going to _murder_ my father... he would come back to haunt me!"  
  
"Oh, well," Bakura murmured. "I guess there's nothing I can do to help you..."  
  
Ryou sighed, "It's O.K. I'll just pretend my dad isn't going out with a fruity freak."  
  
"Wait... how come it's O.K. for you to do those things, but it isn't all right for your father to do those things?"  
  
"Are you calling yourself a fruity freak?"  
  
"...maybe."  
  
"Well, you're not. You're a _sexy_ fruity freak."  
  
"Ooh, Ryouuuuuu..."  
  
"Too bad you're stuck with Mariku and Malik, ne?" Ryou asked, teasing.  
  
"Stupid sex fiends," Bakura growled.  
  
"Just remember, you're mine! Mine, mine, _MIIIIIIINE_!"  
  
"...Wow."  
  
Ryou giggled. "Well, ja!"  
  
"Ja..." Bakura placed the phone back on its cradle. He stared at the wall for a moment before bursting into sobs and running to the kitchen.  
  
Mariku and Malik watched him curiously, following him. Bakura was on his knees, rifling through the refrigerator box. "WHERE'S THE PUDDING?!"  
  
"You ate it all," Malik said.  
  
"Waaaaah..." Bakura cried, standing up. He glanced at the shelf of the refrigerator, eyes lighting up. "Brussels sprouts! Spinach!" He grasped the nasty-tasting vegetables, hugging them to his chest. "MY RYOU-CHAN!"  
  
"Wow, Mariku... we should start making better friends from now on, ne?"  
  
"Really... he's getting -this- upset over a guy he hasn't even slept with yet... Bakura, you have no class!"  
  
Bakura, happily hugging his nasty vegetables that Ryou often threatened him with, chose to ignore their comments.  
  
"You're a freak, 'Kura. C'mon, Mariku, let's go back to doing what we do best."

* * *

"Oh, I'm so glad the two of you could make it!" Pegasus said happily as he shook Bob's hand. "Hello, Bob! It's so nice to see you again!"  
  
"Yes! It feels like I haven't seen you in ages, but then I remember that it was just yesterday!" Bob proclaimed jubilantly.  
  
"Oh, Ryou! You look so cute today!"  
  
Ryou glared, crossing his arms.  
  
"Ahem. Well, let's go find a table then, eh?" Pegasus hurried off to speak with a restaurant employee, leaving Bob to gaze stupidly at the scenery and Ryou to continue staring menacingly at the wall.  
  
"How come I had to come on you with your date? I need to be reading ridiculously long books _today_ so that I can write ridiculously long reports on them _tomorrow_," Ryou whined.  
  
"Don't be silly, Ryou. This isn't a date," Bob answered.  
  
"_Riiiiight_. You're going to a restaurant with a fruity man who wants to buy you food. What else would it be?"  
  
"I'm not gay."  
  
"It doesn't matter that you're not, because Pegasus is!"  
  
"Don't be silly! Look, here he comes now, and then we can ask him!" Bob told Ryou, waving Pegasus over.  
  
"All right, there's a table for us beside the window! It has a lovely view of that dangerous alleyway that Mother always warned me not to go into!"  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped, following the other two to the table. As soon as they had sat down, Bob opened with the question. "Are you gay?"  
  
Pegasus' eyes bugged out for a moment, before he recovered, primly swiping his napkin into his lap. "Of course not."  
  
"See, Ryou! I told you—"  
  
"I'm bisexual."  
  
"And _who_ told _who_?" Ryou asked, smirking.  
  
"Yes. I believe that gender doesn't matter in the slightest when it comes to true love. OPEN YOUR MIND AND OPEN YOUR HEART!" He shouted, raising a fist in the air.  
  
The other customers of the restaurant stared at Pegasus.  
  
"Oh... well, that's lovely!" Bob said. "I mean, my wife is dead, but I would've loved her even if she had been a man!"  
  
"Oh, you're a widower, are you?" Pegasus asked, as a waiter came by.  
  
"What would you like to order?"  
  
"A chicken!"  
  
"Umm... right," the waiter said, writing it down anyway. "And you?"  
  
"Umm... an egg salad sandwich!" Bob shouted.  
  
"Right." The waiter turned to look at Ryou, staring expectantly, a fake smile plastered on his face.  
  
"..._Vodka_," Ryou whispered.  
  
"What?" the waiter asked, leaning in closer.  
  
"VODKA!!!" Ryou yelled at the top of his lungs. The waiter fell to the floor, twitching and clutching his ears in a frightened way.  
  
"Really, Ryou, you _must_ learn better manners," Pegasus said, staring distastefully at the quivering waiter. "Now it's going to take even longer to get our food..."  
  
Ryou groaned. "Ya know what? Y'all just have fun without me. I need to go somewhere and get plastered."  
  
"Oh, O.K.," Bob said. "You have fun now."  
  
"Ahem. As I was saying..."

* * *

Of course, Ryou really didn't get himself plastered. Ryou's a good little boy and he'd never do something like that... well, within reason. No, he actually went home to read those books he's been complaining about for a while.  
  
"Oh no, I so saaaaad, I'm just a rich bimbo with a huuuuge, gorgeous mansion and a super-sexy husband, my life is sooo terrible!" Ryou whined, fake tears pouring from his eyes as he did an impression of the character he was reading about. "I think I'll commit suiciiiiiiiiiide!"  
  
Ryou fought with himself to keep reading the horribly written, disgusting book. The contents irked him to no end, but if he didn't have the bloody thing memorized, he'd probably fail his Lit class, and... well, failing his college major had never been one of Ryou's goals.  
  
"Blehh," Ryou said to himself. "I feel like the great mayfly of life has deserted me..." He stared listlessly around the room for a few moments, before he managed to get himself back on task.  
  
"No! I have to read this! Finals are coming up soon! I SHALL PREVAIL!" Ryou slammed his fist down onto the table. "_Itaiiiiiiiiii_!"  
  
Ryou collapsed on the sofa, clutching his hand. "Mouuuuu..."

* * *

AN: ...erm. I think I was supposed to say _something_, but I can't remember what it was... tee-hee. 


	5. Chapter Five

Room For Rent II  
  
Chapter Five  
  
AN: REVIEW, YOU BLOODY INGRATES! HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO STAY ALIVE ON SO FEW REVIEWS? BLOODY, BLOODY PEOPLE! ...unless, of course, everyone who reads the story is already reviewing, and I just have a pitiful number of readers... waaaaaah! Now I'm sad! ...mou.  
  
"Ohayooooooooooou, Ryoooooooooooou!" Otogi said happily as he met Ryou in the hall.  
  
"Hey, 'togi..." Ryou murmured, staring glumly at his shoes.  
  
"Eek! Kami-sama! What's wrooooooong, Ryou-chan?" Otogi shook Ryou by his shoulders, shrieking like a madman. "RYOOOOOOU-CHAAAAAN IS DYING!"  
  
"Shut up, Otogi," Ryou said calmly. "I'm not dying."  
  
"Then what in the world is wrong with you?" Otogi asked, little question marks floating around his head. "Usually, you're either being PMS- y or you're being incredibly nice... and now you're just like... BLAH!"  
  
"Mou..."  
  
"I'm worried about you, Ryou... is Bakura treating you badly? Do I need to feed him poisoned beans and wrap him in a tarp while singing odd country songs?"  
  
"It's not Bakura... well, it sorta is... except not."  
  
"Wow. Your conversationalist skills are rather lacking today, Ry-chan."  
  
"Well, my daddy is back from Egypt, and he doesn't seem to approve of... mine and Bakura's relationship..."  
  
"So I should be feeding your father the beans, then?" Otogi asked, wearing a flowery pink apron and a crazed look in his eyes.  
  
"NO BEANS! YOU'RE NOT FEEDING THE POISONED BEANS TO ANYBODY!"  
  
"...I'm only trying to help you, Ry-chan..." Otogi said, tears in his eyes. "Whyyy must you be soooo cruel? DOUSHITE, RYOU? What evil things did I ever do to merit having you as a friend?"  
  
Ryou glared. "Fine. I won't tell you the rest."  
  
Otogi looked up from where he was sobbing into a random guy's shirt. He pushed the guy away, staring raptly at Ryou. "Y-you mean there's _more_?!"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. Bakura's having to live with Mariku and Malik now because of father... but the funny thing is, father is dating Pegasus."  
  
"Your dad's dating a flying horse?"  
  
"No! The infamous Pegasus J. Crawford who wears funny red suits!"  
  
"Oh. The fruity guy. Yeah, I know who you're talking about. He'd be decent-looking if he didn't wear that funny red suit all the time. Actually, he'd look kinda like you, Ryou..." Otogi's eyes widened.  
  
Ryou sighed heavily. "What is it now, Otogi?"  
  
"MAYBE _PEGASUS_ IS REALLY YOUR FATHER?!"  
  
Ryou thwacked Otogi about the head with a lead pipe that had magically appeared from thin air. "Don't be a baka...well, at least don't be more of one than you normally are."  
  
"Itaiiii..." Otogi muttered, rubbing his head.  
  
"And on top of that, I needed to finish this huge, stupid book last night, but I didn't have time to because my dad whined, cried, and threw vases at me until I took him out for ice cream... so I won't have enough time to write a decent report on it, and I'll get a bad grade on it, and I'll fail literature, and I'll end up living in a van by the river!"  
  
"And you'll work at Wendy's?" Otogi asked hopefully.  
  
"...sure, I'll work with you."  
  
"Yay! I love you, Ry-chan! Yellow roses!"  
  
"...I suppose that's what friends are for..."  
  
"And I'll come and visit you and Bakura in your van by the river!"  
  
"_Waaaaaaahhhhhh_..." Ryou latched onto Otogi and began sobbing into his shirt.  
  
"Ryou? Don't you think Bakura will be jealous if he sees you all over me like this?"  
  
Ryou sobbed harder. "I miss my 'Kura-chaaaaaaaaaaaan!"  
  
"Aww, poor lovesick Ryou-koinu," Otogi mumbled, patting the top of Ryou's head. "It'll be O.K."  
  
"But... I want Bakura! I want _him_ to hug me and tell me that everything's going to be all right... no offense to you, Otogi!"  
  
"Well, err... Bakura does go to the same college as us. He's probably somewhere on campus right now!"  
  
"...but that would be making a scene!"  
  
"No more of a scene that we're making right now, I assure you!"  
  
"...mou," Ryou said pitifully, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I have to go to class now..."  
  
"Oh, all right. You know, Ryou..."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"...you're not going to class today," Otogi declared, a devilish gleam in his eyes.  
  
"Oh? And why not?"  
  
"BECAUSE I'M KIDNAPPING YOU! GWA HA HA!" Otogi grabbed Ryou's arm, dragging him out of the building.

* * *

Ryou gulped. Otogi had decided that they needed to have a nice stroll around the park (Otogi had pretended to be a pigeon so that the half-blind old people would throw food at him, but Ryou didn't laugh, so he stopped after a while), and Ryou hadn't been able to get back until five minutes after his literature class had ended.  
  
"This is _baaaaaaad_..." Ryou mumbled to himself, waiting outside his professor's office. He tapped his feet anxiously, rapping on the door again for good measure.  
  
"Umm..." Ryou mumbled, as the door opened.  
  
"Oh. Hello, little student! Do come in!" The professor smiled at Ryou, pulling him into his office and shutting the door behind them. "Have a seat! Would you like some tea?"  
  
"Oh... all right," Ryou said, feeling embarrassed. This was all rather odd. He had expected the professor to be angry—not to invite him in for tea.  
  
"You weren't in class today," the professor said, sitting on a couch opposite Ryou as he handed him a mug of steaming hot tea.  
  
"Yes, about that..." Ryou began, deciding to lie for the sake of seeming like a responsible student. "...I was feeling under the weather this morning—ya know, retching, running a temperature, coughing—so I decide not to come. I didn't want to spread all my germs to everyone else."  
  
"And yet you're here now?"  
  
"...it got better," Ryou mumbled, looking away and wishing he weren't such a terrible liar.  
  
He heard the professor sigh. "Listen, student. I don't know what's been troubling you lately, but your grades are slipping. You need excellent marks in literature if you're planning on teaching it. I...I can help you get better grades, if you want me to." The professor stared out the window at the gray, smoggy skies as he took a long sip of his tea.  
  
"Really? You'd tutor me?" Ryou asked, eyes shining with gratitude.  
  
The professor laughed. "No. In all honesty... with the way things are going, you haven't got a snowball's chance in hell of passing my class," he turned to Ryou with a grin.  
  
"B-but you said..."  
  
"Yes, there's still a chance for you to pass," the professor said, and came to sit beside Ryou on the couch. Ryou was increasingly uneasy about this whole thing...  
  
"How can I pass?"  
  
"I'll give you an A..."  
  
"Really? Tell me what to do! Please?"  
  
The professor smirked. "Sleep with me."  
  
Ryou stared at his professor in shock. He made a few unintelligible noises before regaining part of his composure. "Professor Mikuni!"  
  
"Yes, I know. The school board doesn't approve... but they don't have to know, do they?" Mikuni leaned in closer to Ryou, placing a thin hand on his shoulder. "I get a gorgeous guy in bed with me, and you get perfect marks in your core subject. We all win, see?" His arm moved to snake around Ryou's waist.  
  
Ryou stood up abruptly. "How... HOW DARE YOU! You... YOU SCUM!"  
  
"Aww, what's wrong, Ryou? I promise I'll be gentle, if that's what you're worried about. I know a virgin when I see one." Mikuni's hands slid into Ryou's hair, stroking it gently. "It won't be bad at all... you'll even enjoy it, I bet."  
  
Ryou turned red from rage. "YOU JERK! YOU BASTARD!" There was a loud 'smack' before Ryou ran from the room, sobbing.  
  
"Oww..." Mikuni muttered, holding the blood-red handprint on his cheek. "Oh, well. He'll come around when he realizes how poorly he's been doing in class... and then he'll _beg_ me to let him sleep with me... yeeeeees." He rubbed his hands together maniacally. "Gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!"

* * *

Eep. Wow. I had planned on something like this to happen, but... wow. That was really fun to write! ...of course, it's probably not as funny as it could have been... actually, I think RFR2 just isn't as funny as the first one at all... oh, well. It's probably because Ryou and Bakura aren't together all the time. Mou.  
  
Oh, and you can bet Bakura's going to be... upset with this turn of events. Gwa ha ha! You wanna see Mikuni get decked? THEN REVIEW! REVIEW YOUR LITTLE HEARTS OUT! YESSSH!  
  
Oh, and before I forget. Living in a van by the river and working at Wendy's belongs to my cousin, Shiggy-chan. Or at least that's who I heard it from.  
  
And...err. I sorta stole Professor Mikuni's name from Eerie Queerie's Chief Priest Mikuni... all shounen-ai fans (which should be everyone reading this) should go out and buy Eerie Queerie now! The name sucks (it was originally called Ghost... I wish it had stayed that way...), but it's adorable! And cute! And great. Mou.  
  
Ja, everyone. AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! 


	6. Chapter Six

Room for Rent II  
  
Chapter Six  
  
"And then I says to her, I says, 'You got a cantaloupe on your head!'..." Pegasus paused in his story to take a long draught from a bottle of sake. "And she says to me, 'Get away from me, foo!'. I didn't think that was very nice..." Pegasus pitched forward, latching himself onto Bob's middle and sobbing into his shirt.  
  
"They're all so mean to meeeeeeee!"  
  
"It'll be O.K., Pegsy," said Bob, who was also sloshed. "I'll beat them up for you," he continued as he patted the top of Pegasus' head.  
  
"And that Ryou kid, he's mean to me too! He said that you weren't gay and I had no chance of being with youuuu..."  
  
"I'm not gay!" Bob exclaimed.  
  
"Neither am I!" Pegsy declared, proudly raising his fist in the air.  
  
"Tee-hee. I feel like a birdie on a telephone wire!"  
  
"Right, right," Pegasus murmured, sleepily resting his head on Bob's shoulder. "Hey, Bob?"  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"...I wuv youuuuuuu..."  
  
Bob giggled. "Ditto!"  
  
"Ditto?"  
  
"Yeah! You know, that shape-shifting Pokemon!"  
  
"I wanna be the very best, like no one ever waaaaas..."  
  
"...to catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!"  
  
"Hey, Bob! I just had a great idea!"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Let's go do some karaoke!"

* * *

Bakura was wandering around the hall, waiting for his trig class to start, when something whooshed past him. It was a silvery-white something a few inches shorter than Bakura, and it had run off in the directions of the dorms.  
  
"Ryou-chan?!" Bakura exclaimed, immediately dropping his books and taking off after his beloved. He rounded the corner, but Ryou wasn't anywhere in sight. Bakura stopped for a moment to think about where he might have gone.  
  
"Well, if he went to the dorms... the only people he knows with dorms are Otogi and Honda... and Yami and Yuugi. Oh, and that odd, slutty chick who wears that purple bikini everywhere..."  
  
So, Bakura decided by process of elimination that Ryou had gone to Yami's and Yuugi's dorm. So, he raced off in that direction, trig class completely forgotten.

* * *

"Open the door! Hello! OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR, YOU LEATHER-OBSESSED MORONS! ...oh, hello Yami. Lovely day, isn't it?" Ryou said, trying to pretend he hadn't been the one yelling earlier.  
  
"Leather-obsessed morons, are we?"  
  
"...erm... no. Of course not," Ryou answered quietly.  
  
Yami took in Ryou's appearance; hair disheveled, eyes red, panting... "What have you been doing, Ryou?"  
  
"Running."  
  
"Why were you running?" Yami asked.  
  
"Who's that at the door, Yams-chan?" a voice called from inside.  
  
"It's Ryou!" Yami called.  
  
"Let him in, then, silly!"  
  
"Oh." Yami opened the door wider, and Ryou slipped inside the dorm before Yami closed the door. Ryou flopped on the couch. "So, what's up?"  
  
"The... the teacher... he..."  
  
"Full sentences, please," Yami said with a forced smile.  
  
"THE TEACHER DID ILLEGAL THINGS!"  
  
"So? Yuugi and I do illegal things every day," Yami said.  
  
Yuugi blushed. "Shut up, Yami." He threw a pillow at Yami. "Now, what illegal things did he do?"  
  
"He said... that the only way I would pass his class... would be if I SLEPT WITH HIM!" Ryou shrieked, and began sobbing.  
  
"WHAT?!" came the angry yell from outside.  
  
"Hm? Yuugi asked, going to the door and opening it. A furious Bakura was standing outside.  
  
"RYOU!"  
  
"...'kura?"  
  
"What's this about a teacher? WHO WAS IT?!"  
  
"P-Professor Mikuni..."  
  
"...who's that?"  
  
"The Lit teacher!"  
  
"Oh. WELL, I SHALL GO AND POUND HIS FACE IN!"  
  
"Bakura, wait!" Ryou called, but Bakura had already run off at top speed. "...mou..." He hugged himself, leaning into the couch fully.  
  
"Why don't you go and chase him?" Yami suggested.  
  
"...I'd never be able to catch him..."  
  
"So. Chase him anyway," Yami said, attempting to bore holes into Ryou's head with his eyes.  
  
"...there's no point in it," Ryou murmured, sighing heavily.  
  
Yami glared at him. "Do I have to spell it out for you, Ryou? Leave!"  
  
"B-but why...?" Ryou asked, looking thoroughly hurt, tears pricking in his eyes.  
  
"I'm feeling frisky and I don't think you want to watch Yuugi and I go at it... unless, of course, you became a voyeur without telling anyone?"  
  
"Emm..." Ryou blushed, immediately standing. "Yes, I think I'll go and stop Bakura from assaulting the teacher now..." He ran for the language department as fast as he could.  
  
Ryou heard odd, unintelligible shrieks as soon as he entered the literature hall. It was a good thing that nobody else was around, or they definitely would have noticed.  
  
"Wow, Ryou, you have a great right hook..." Mikuni murmured, swaying back and forth. "Heh heh..." He fell over, little swirlies in his eyes.  
  
"Hey, Bakura..." Ryou said shyly, stepping over the body of his lit teacher to stand beside the mental patient boy.  
  
"Well, he should leave you alone now!" Bakura said matter-of-factly. "I guess I'll be going to trig class now. Have a day, Ryou!"  
  
"Wait! Bakura!" Ryou yelled, latching onto Bakura's middle.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't leaaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeeeeee..." Ryou pleaded, staring up at Bakura with his puppy dog eyes.  
  
"But I have to go to trig! I can't afford to have to beat up another teacher!"  
  
"...no, Bakura... that's not what I mean," said Ryou, looking away, but still hanging onto Bakura's arm.  
  
"You're scaring me, Ryou. You're acting like one of those blood- sucking worm thingies that live in the water... you know, the ones they used to stick on the really fat people so they'd lose weight!"  
  
"A leech?"  
  
"Yeah! One of those! ...except bigger and with pretty eyes the color of chocolate pudding!"  
  
Ryou coughed. "Anyway, back to what I was saying... I want you to stay with me forever! I... I don't care what father thinks anymore. You're coming home with me and I'll never let you leave me! Never, ever again!"  
  
"...do... do you really mean it, Ry-chan?"  
  
"Of course I do, Baku-chan!"  
  
"I love you, Ryou!" Bakura hugged him tightly. "But I still have to go to trig. I'm late as it is."  
  
"Big meanie," Ryou said, sticking his tongue out.  
  
"You'd better put that tongue away unless you're planning on doing something with it."  
  
Ryou smirked evilly in a very un-Ryou-like way. "You'd be surprised at all the _wonderful_ things I can do with this tongue of mine," he murmured deviously, licking his lips.  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"_Yeeeees_. I can even open a Starburst... _while it's in my mouth_..."  
  
"Oh my Ra! That's so cool, Ryou!" Bakura yelled happily. "Guess what, everybody! My boyfriend can open a Starburst in his mouth!"  
  
"Ugh..." Ryou hid behind a large pile of textbooks, hoping no one would see him.  
  
"Hey, Ryou... could you teach me how to do that? Huh, huh?" Bakura asked, excited.  
  
"Maybe... when we get home."  
  
"Yay! I can't wait!"  
  
"Can't wait, eh? Then what do you say you skive off that trig class...?"  
  
The light of epiphany suddenly flickered in Bakura's eyes. "...are you seducing me, Ryou?"  
  
Ryou glared at him.  
  
"I take that as a yes... let's be off, then!" Bakura bent down, lifting Ryou bride-style and carrying him to the car. "Yee-haw! I get to be with my Ry-chan forever!" Ryou raised an eyebrow at Bakura as he was dropped into the passenger seat.  
  
"Sorry, Ryou. It's just that you bring out the Southern belle in me!"  
  
Ryou coughed, looking out the window. "Oh, and guess what Ryou! I had bought all these girly CD's because I was missing you, but now I don't need them anymore! Here, you can have them!" Bakura dropped the pile of Spice Girls CD's on Ryou's lap as he crossed over the median in the road.  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped. "Bakura... I would never listen to the Spice Girls."  
  
"What about that song about the ham sandwich and the lovers and the mayonnaise?"  
  
Ryou stared at Bakura. '_I'm dating a mental patient... but at least he's sexy, right?_'  
  
"Oh, come on! Don't you know that song?"  
  
Ryou shook his head.  
  
"Fine. You were a really deprived child! If you wanna be my sandwich, ya gotta be ham and cheese! Mayonnaise is too fattening, pass the mustard pleaaaaaase!"  
  
"You're odd, Bakura," Ryou said, and tried to tune him out for the rest of the ride.

* * *

"All right, Bakura... I'm going to march right in there and tell my daddy that the two of us will be together no matter what!"  
  
"Yay! And then you'll do all the things you were talking about earlier, right?"  
  
"Hmm... you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"  
  
Bakura growled, squeezing Ryou's hand.  
  
Ryou smiled his 'I'm-cute—be-my-slave?' smile, before opening the door. "Daddy! Daaaaaaaaddy!" He wandered into the hippie living room. "Where could he be...?" Ryou turned, feeling a dark presence looming dangerously over him... "Could it be?"  
  
"What is it, Ryou-itooshi?"  
  
"...do you think... he could be in his bedroom?" Ryou asked in a quietly shaking voice.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Shuddering with trepidation, Ryou stepped forward. He knocked on the door with a quivering fist. "Daddy?"  
  
When he received no answer, he slid the door open with an eerie creak. He took one look at the inside of the room.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Bakura gasped, running for his Ryou. He caught the boy as he was falling to the floor. "What's wrong, Ry—AHHHHHHHHHHH! What in Ra's name is going on here?"  
  
"Hm?" asked Pegasus, staring sleepily at the two of them. "Ah! Oh no, the Ryous have multiplied! They're going to make fun of me even more now! BOB, SAVE ME!" Pegasus ducked under the covers to hide.  
  
"What is it, Pegsy?" Bob asked, apparently having just awoken as well. "Oh, hello, Ryou. What's the mental patient here?"  
  
"What are you doing in bed with Pegasus?!"  
  
"Er... stuff."  
  
"NOT UNDER MY ROOF, YOU'RE NOT! NOW GET OUT!"  
  
"Oh, gimme a break, Ryou. We were just having a little fun!"  
  
Ryou glared. "I'm disappointed in you, Bob!" he yelled, taking Bakura's hand and leading him out of the room before slamming the door.  
  
Bakura, who had been shrinking back in fear of the Ryou's ire, was surprised to see Ryou's blinding smile presented to him. "Tee-hee! This is great, 'Kura! Now father's bound to accept us! ...I mean, now that he's having a liaison with a fruity author, how can he _not_?!"  
  
"So we're happy?"  
  
"Of, course, silly!" Ryou giggled. "What did you think we felt about this?"  
  
"Well, er..."  
  
"C'mon, Bakura! We need to go find a bag of Starburst!"  
  
"Oh. OK. _Yay_!"  
  
AN: I'm very happy with the boost in reviews... but I'm keeping the evil-ness effective. That is, if you don't give me enough reviews, I won't post the next chapter! Gwa ha ha!  
  
...don't flame me for this chapter. Please. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Room for Rent II  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
"Now, you put the Starburst in your mouth..." Ryou demonstrated, popping the wrapped candy in his mouth. A second later, he pulled the wrapper out of his mouth, holding it up for Bakura to see it.  
  
"I still don't understand how you can do that!" Bakura said hopelessly.  
  
"Excuse me! You know very well how I can do that!"  
  
"...huh?"  
  
"You've kissed me before, haven't you?" Ryou asked, grinning.  
  
Bakura leaned forward, pressing his hand to Ryou's forehead. "You feeling O.K., itooshi?"  
  
"Baka."  
  
"That's not nice, Ryou. I was worried about you. I thought you were sick or something. I mean, you're acting so affectionate."  
  
"I was having Bakura withdrawals," Ryou mumbled as he reached out to hug Bakura.  
  
"Aww, you're so cute," Bakura said, nuzzling Ryou's cheek. "...When are we going to start arguing?"  
  
Ryou sighed. "I dunno..."  
  
"But it makes the readers giggle when we argue! And then they praise the authoress baka-sama!"  
  
"Why do we care about baka-sama?"  
  
"Erm... she pays us!" Bakura declared.  
  
"...but she refuses to write yaoi scenes..."  
  
"Yes, that _is_ bad. But...err... we get to make fun of Otogi!"  
  
"Otogi is my friend..."  
  
"You should pick better friends, then!" Bakura said vehemently.  
  
"I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired..."  
  
"Wow, Ryou. That's a lot of o's."  
  
Ryou glared at Bakura before deciding to use him as a pillow. He rested his head in Bakura's lap and closed his eyes.  
  
"You're warm..."  
  
"I'm exothermic!" Bakura said happily.  
  
"That's endothermic, stupid," Ryou grumbled. "Reptiles are exothermic."  
  
"Well, excuse me for not being a science major!"  
  
"Abujabujabujaaaaaaah..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Bakura... you smell like... a Bakura."  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
Ryou nodded. "I think being hit on by the teacher messed up your brain functions," Bakura remarked.  
  
"Teacher...finals... AHHH! FINALS!" Ryou sat up immediately. "What do I do, what do I do?!" He ran around in circles, wondering what to do.  
  
"Calm down, Ryou! This is no reason to wear holes in the carpet!"  
  
"B-but... I'M GOING TO FAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!" Ryou sobbed into Bakura's shoulder.  
  
"It'll be O.K. You know, we could always go to those people who run the college and tell them about Mikuni's misconduct... and then he'd get kicked out and you wouldn't have to worry!"  
  
"NO!" Ryou yelled suddenly. "I'M GOING TO PROVE TO HIM THAT I CAN ACE MY FINAL! I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP WITH A TEACHER TO GET GOOD GRADES!"  
  
"..."  
  
"RIGHT! ...I'd better start studying!"  
  
"...You know, Ryou... I think you're taking this a little too seriously. Just relax, all right?"  
  
"I can't! I have to get an A on my final! This is important!!!"  
  
"B-but... I thought I was finally going to get some!" Bakura cried, looking heartbroken.  
  
"You'll get some eventually," Ryou said tonelessly. "Just be patient."  
  
"Will it come from you? I don't want to sleep with Mariku and Malik!"  
  
"...are you _that_ sexually frustrated, 'Kura?" Ryou asked, staring at his lit textbook.  
  
"...possibly."  
  
"Bully for you then, eh? 'Cuz like I said, she doesn't write yaoi scenes! Gwa ha ha ha!"  
  
"You're evil, Ryou... and so are you, you stupid author-person!"  
  
(I feel as if I'm making certain psychotic people angry...)  
  
"I'm going to go pick up my stuff from Mariku's house, all right? And you can study and your father and Pegasus can do naughty things. That way we're all happy, see!"  
  
"Hmm... bye, 'Kura!"

* * *

Bakura was walking to Mariku's house when he saw two people he knew standing on the sidewalk.  
  
"KAIBAAAAAAA!"  
  
"Yeah... I wanna take you to a Kaiba..." murmured Jou, who was swaying drunkenly over the sidewalk.  
  
"Are you...Baka-ra?"  
  
Bakura coughed. "Ba-kur-a. You know, with an '_urrr'_ sound."  
  
"Right. Whatever."  
  
"I wanna spend all your money at the Kaiba, Kaiba!" Jou sang as the latched onto Kaiba's arm, hugging it.  
  
"I see you and the blonde hit it off quite well," Bakura remarked.  
  
"Yes. But then again, gentlemen _do_ prefer blondes," Kaiba said. "How are you and Ryou doing?"  
  
"We're not _doing_ anything..."  
  
Seto smirked. "I wouldn't think so. I mean, if he never gave _me_ any, how can you expect him to give _you_ any?"  
  
"I don't like you."  
  
"Of course not. Sometimes I'm the good guy and at other times I'm the bad guy, but I'm always a prick."  
  
"You're a superstar at the Kaibaaa!"  
  
"Stop singing, puppy!"  
  
"I've got something to put in you at the Kaiba, Kaiba!"  
  
"Oh no you don't! YOU'RE THE UKE, DARN IT ALL!"  
  
Bakura's eyes widened; he took a step backward.  
  
"You've been a bad puppy, Jounouchi! I'm taking you home /right now/ and sending you up to my room!"  
  
"Oh, harsh," Bakura said, wincing.  
  
Seto smirked evilly. "I know."  
  
"Let's start a war... let's start a nuclear war... at the KAIBA!"  
  
"Come on, puppy," Seto ordered, yanking Jounouchi along by the collar of his shirt.  
  
"...Now, _that_ is an odd couple if I've ever seen one..."

* * *

When Bakura arrived at Mariku's house, Anzu was sitting on the couch.  
  
"What are you doing here, Bakura? Are you still stalking me? Did my rejecting you hurt you so deeply that you still long for me now?"  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes, walking over to the guest room. He dragged his stuff from the closet, tossing it into an old Wal-Mart bag. Anzu had followed him into the room, and was saying annoying things at him... and stuff.  
  
"So, are you happy with Ryou? Happier than you were with me?"  
  
"I suppose so."  
  
"You suppose so?"  
  
"Well, yes. I mean, being run over by rapidly mossy llamas is better than living with you..."  
  
"I think that when you went gay, you also lost a few brain cells..." Anzu remarked, giving Bakura a funny look.  
  
"I think the loss of brain cells happened just before I decided to go out with you," Bakura retorted, dropping socks into his bag.  
  
"Does he treat you well?"  
  
"He cooks me stuff. Like Ramen... and toast... and spinach. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!"  
  
"You're a freak."  
  
"And this is coming from the one who keeps Crayola products in her fridge?"  
  
"It keeps the markers from drying out!" Anzu shrieked.  
  
"Trust me, apricot girl. You've been tricked. If refrigeration kept the markers from drying out, it would say so on the box. And so far, the only thing on that box of yours is a crappy picture of a dinosaur."  
  
Anzu slapped him... for some odd reason.  
  
"That didn't hurt," Bakura mumbled, picking up his bag and marching out the door.  
  
"Gay men aren't macho, stupid?"  
  
"Oh, really? Then what about Detective Orcot, huh? What do you have to say to that?"  
  
"..."  
  
"You have nothing to say! Gwa ha ha ha ha! And the Great, Magnificent Bakura prevails in the end!"  
  
"Actually, I was too captivated by the spinach in between your two front teeth to listen to what you were saying. I really hope it wasn't anything important... and knowing you, it probably wasn't."  
  
"I have spinach on my teeth?!" Bakura shrieked. "Where's a mirror? Somebody give me a mirror!"  
  
"There's a mirror on the ceiling of Mariku's and Malik's bedroom," Anzu said helpfully.  
  
"Ha ha! Like I'd go in there!... HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!"  
  
"I was cleaning it for them earlier today," Anzu said. "With Windex... did you know that Windex kills ants?"  
  
"Didn't the Windex drip on the bed, since the mirror is on the ceiling?" Bakura asked, spinach momentarily forgotten.  
  
"Yes; it kept falling on Mariku, so they had to go to the kitchen."  
  
Bakura winced. "Eww..."  
  
Anzu grinned evilly at him.  
  
"I bet you enjoyed watching them," Bakura said.  
  
Anzu's smirk grew.  
  
"EWWWWWWWWW!" Bakura yelled, running away from the Anzu as fast as he could. "BAD MENTAL IMAGES!!!"  
  
Bakura finally stopped three blocks away from Mariku's house. He clutched the stitch in his chest, trying to return his breathing to normal.  
  
"...Anzu is a voyeur! ...eww. I can't believe I used to live with that chick... nasty."

* * *

AN: I'm sorry it took so long! ...I had a block and stuff... and the chapter stopped being fun so I couldn't write it, but then I decided to finish the chapter at all costs!  
  
And to the person who asked: mou is a word in Japanese, but I don't know what it means. My kitty cat says mou, so I say mou, and then... the characters say mou. Simple, ne? Or maybe just odd...  
  
Review thingy still on. Because it's fun to demand things. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Room for Rent II  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
AN: Oh, and I'm explaining the jokes in this chapter, since most of them are a bit... odd.  
  
"Ryoooooooooooooooooooooooou," Bakura whined.  
  
"Hm?" Ryou asked. He didn't look up from the mound of papers he was trying to commit to memory.  
  
"You've been studying all week!"  
  
"I have to keep doing this, Bakura! The final is tomorrow! ...as a matter of fact, shouldn't you be studying for your finals?"  
  
"I took my last final two days ago. I guess you were just too busy to notice."  
  
"I'm sorry," Ryou mumbled apologetically.  
  
"Ryoooooooooooooou... I'm feeling unloved!"  
  
"I'll give you all the love you need and more once I've aced my final. Deal?"  
  
"...but I want love _now_."  
  
"You're just as bad as father... are he and Pegasus still in bed?"  
  
"They were the last time I checked—but then again, I try to make it a point to avoid their room..."  
  
"I don't blame you," Ryou mumbled, standing. Ryou wandered to his room; Bakura was close behind.  
  
"Are you finished studying?" Bakura asked, excited.  
  
"No... I still have at least a hundred pages left to memorize." Ryou was looking in a folder for more notes.  
  
"You know what, Ryou?" Bakura asked quietly.  
  
"Ne?" Ryou mumbled, rifling through the gargantuan stack of papers that he had finally retrieved.  
  
"I SAY YOU'RE FINISHED STUDYING!" Bakura yelled, taking the folder and notes away from Ryou.  
  
Ryou glared at him venomously and tried to wrestle the notes from Bakura. When Ryou realized that Bakura was much stronger than him, he gave up. "I still have more notes that I can study," Ryou said, shrugging. Without too much warning, Ryou found himself on his bed. Bakura was leaning over him, smirking. He bent down to plant a kiss on Ryou's lips.  
  
"But Bakuraaaaaaa!" Ryou protested. "I have to studyyyyyyyyy! _Mmmnh_!"  
  
Bakura collapsed onto Ryou.  
  
"Ow... I think you're crushing my luuuuuuuung..." Ryou whined. "I'm small and delicate, remember? You can't just _jump on me_!"  
  
Bakura pulled him into a feverish kiss. Ryou gasped something into his mouth that sounded quite a bit like, "_Kidneyyyyyy_..."  
  
"You know, Ryou," Bakura mumbled, stopping momentarily to nip at Ryou's neck, "I'd be a lot more appreciative if you wouldn't say other people's names during our foreplay, dear..."  
  
"Study... need... study..."  
  
"You're a studying zombie. I aim to fix that!" Bakura declared from his perch on Ryou's stomach. He then attempted to undo the buttons on Ryou's shirt. The first button popped off and hit him in the eye. "Itaiiiiiii!"  
  
"You ruined my shirt!" Ryou screeched.  
  
"Your shirt ruined my eye!" Bakura shrieked back. "...you should wear T- shirts from now on."  
  
"My shirt is loose enough that you could've just slipped it over my head," Ryou said.  
  
"Oh, you're being helpful now?" Bakura asked, quickly taking Ryou's advice.  
  
"Aren't you going to take off your shirt too?" Ryou asked hopefully.  
  
"Wow, Ryou... are you feeling frisky?"  
  
"Well, I was trying to get rid of all the nasty vegetables in the fridge, so all I've had today has been tomatoes and avocadoes and asparagus..."  
  
"You've been eating aphrodisiacs!"  
  
Ryou giggled. "Good thing for you, ne? Otherwise, you'd be dead!"  
  
"Why would I be dead?" Bakura asked, confused.  
  
"I would have killed you for jumping me."  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
"APPENDIX!" Ryou shrieked.

* * *

He grinned, staring at his lover. The white-haired boy was currently passed out, completely exhausted. There was evidence of their late-night activities all around the room. He giggled a little. "Wow..." He gave his lover a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Jeez, we're going to be like Mariku and Malik soon..." he said as he headed out to his car. He yawned; he'd woken up extra early in order to study. The literature final loomed ahead of him as he drove off to school.  
  
"Good morning, Ryou," Professor Mikuni greeted. He was sporting a black eye and a busted lip, as well as lots of other injuries that were hidden by his clothing. "Are you up to the challenge of taking your final?"  
  
"Yes," he said in a tone that left no room for argument.  
  
"That's lovely! ...but my offer is still open if you fail."  
  
He grinned. "It's a little late now, Professor," he mumbled as he sat down in his seat. (explanation number one)  
  
Mikuni's eyes bulged. "Who was it, Ryou?! Who was it?"  
  
"..._my boyfriend_."  
  
Mikuni went off to sob in the corner.  
  
He stared at the test questions. It was a multiple choice exam, so theoretically... he would get at least a quarter of the questions right. However, the exam had pleasantly surprised him. He knew the first five answers without even thinking.  
  
"...maybe this won't be so hard after all," he said happily.  
  
"Shh!" came the voices of the people in desks next to his.  
  
"Oh, shut up. I don't need to copy your papers. I have all the answers up _here_," he said, pointing to his head. "...Kidneys, man, kidneys!" (explanation number two)  
  
Two hours later, he was handing in his test and his answers. He gave a heavy sigh. "All done!"  
  
"Hey, Ryou! Wait up!" someone behind him called. He turned.  
  
"Hello, Otogi," he said with a strained smile.  
  
"Are you done with finals yet?"  
  
"Yep! I just finished the last one."  
  
"That's great!" Otogi said happily.  
  
"Yes, well I'd better be going back home..."  
  
Otogi gave him a funny look. "Ryou, your voice sounds funny... what have you been doing?"  
  
"Oh... nothing much..."  
  
"Sit down," Otogi ordered.  
  
The boy blushed. "No!"  
  
A shocked look passed over Otogi's face. "AAAAAH! OH, KAMI-SAMA! THEY FINALLY DID IT!" He ran away screaming.  
  
He sweat-dropped.

* * *

Ryou blearily opened his eyes. He was surprised that Bakura wasn't still in bed next to him, but he figured that the boy had just gone to get some food or something... big brown eyes turned to the clock on the bedside table. His eyes widened.  
  
"AHHHHHHH! AFTER ALL THAT STUDYING, I OVERSLEPT! ...waaah..." He began sobbing uncontrollably. "I... I tried so hard... and it was all for nothing!"  
  
He heard footsteps outside his room; the door burst open. "What's wrong, Ryou?" Bakura was beside him, wrapping his arms around Ryou's shoulders.  
  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME?! I MISSED MY TEST BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR LIBIDO!"  
  
"Aww, Ryou... I just didn't have the heart to wake you... you looked so exhausted..."  
  
Ryou blushed, but he was able to recover quickly. "SO? NOW I'LL HAVE TO SLEEP WITH MIKUNI!"  
  
Bakura was smirking. "No, you won't."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I took your test for you!"  
  
"WHAT?! YOU IDIOT!" Ryou shrieked, and began bashing Bakura's head in with a desk lamp.  
  
"...ouch..."  
  
"HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THAT?! YOU'RE USELESS WHEN IT COMES TO LITERATURE! I'LL PROBABLY GET A NEGATIVE SCORE!"  
  
Bakura sighed, sweat-dropping. "Relax, Ryou. I aced it."  
  
"You couldn't have."  
  
"I did."  
  
"_Waaaaaaah_!"  
  
"You'll see, Ryou. I really did get an A on that."  
  
"...mou," Ryou mumbled, and collapsed on his bed.

* * *

"Hey, Bob..." Pegasus began, smoothing out his rumpled clothes.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would you... err... would you like to come live with me?"  
  
Bob turned shocked eyes to Pegasus. "You... you really mean it?"  
  
"Of course I do, Bob-the-sexy-man! I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it!"  
  
"Wow... O.K.!"  
  
"And Ryou and his lover can live here and we can all be happy!" Pegasus declared.  
  
"RYOU HAS A LOVER?!" Bob squeaked loudly.  
  
"Of course he does! Didn't you hear the two of them last night?"  
  
"...you were so good that I wasn't paying attention to much else," Bob whispered.  
  
Pegasus blushed. "I _am_ good, aren't I? It's so astute of you to notice!"  
  
There were loud sounds coming from Ryou's bedroom. Bob stared at the door, which was locked. Bob gulped. "..."  
  
"Oh, that's not what you think it is. They're having an argument."  
  
Bob breathed a sigh of relief. "That would've been... odd."  
  
"Not as odd as what Ryou has seen us doing, let me assure you. So, when will you be moving in?"  
  
"Er... umm... as soon as I'm packed, I guess!" Bob declared, grinning happily.  
  
"Then I'll help you!" Pegasus offered, grabbing a suitcase from Thin Air™.  
  
"...I love you, Pegsy!" Bob said with sparkly eyes.  
  
Pegasus smirked. "I know."  
  
"How?" Bob asked, bewildered.  
  
Pegasus pulled back his hair to reveal the sennen eye. "I CAN READ YOUR MIND! BWA HA HA HA!"  
  
Bob sweat-dropped. "Let's go get you some medicine, honey..."  
  
AN: Mou! ...I think the next chapter will be the last one, although I'm not entirely sure. Either way, the story is about to end... and I'm glad. This story hasn't been very nice to me. sigh  
  
Either way, I've got some esplainin' to do!  
  
Explanation number 1: ...there was this guy on my bus... and one day he said 'You sit like a virgin'. It was...odd. And a little scary.  
  
Explanation number 2: does anyone remember that joke?... I said 'kidneys, man, kidneys' to my friends and they didn't understand... I'm just wondering if anyone recognizes it. =P  
  
REVIEW, MORTAL FOOLS! cough Don't mind him. He's just another one of the voices in my head.


	9. Chapter Nine

Room for Rent II  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
"Oh... here's the mail, it never fails! It makes me wanna wag my tail! When it comes I wanna wail, 'MAAAAAAAAAAAIL!'," Bob sang. He had just finished packing, and was going to move in with Pegasus later that day. He had just jogged outside to catch the mailman and tell him about how much he loved getting mail.  
  
"Did I get anything?" Ryou called from the kitchen as he heard the front door slide shut.  
  
"Bills!" Bob declared.  
  
"Oh boy, oh joy," Ryou murmured, going back to making scrambled eggs.  
  
"Oh, you and Bakura both have something from the university..." Bob said, giving the twin letters a calculating look.  
  
"Give me that!" Bakura yelled, snatching the letter from Bob.  
  
"_How_ rude!" Bob spat. "...I think I'll go watch my American Idol tapes now..."  
  
Bakura was feverishly tearing open Ryou's letter. "Hey, stop that!" Ryou yelled.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"IT'S _ILLEGAL_ TO OPEN OTHER PEOPLE'S MAIL!" Ryou yelled, beating Bakura with a spatula.  
  
"It's also illegal to beat people up, but does it stop _you_? _Noooo_..."  
  
Ryou angrily snatched the letter from Bakura and finished tearing it open. He stared at the contents of the letter in shock. "Oh, Kami-sama..." he said, falling back into a chair.  
  
"What? What?" Bakura asked.  
  
Ryou began giggling hysterically. "Tee-hee hee hee..." He jumped from his chair, launching himself at Bakura. Bakura, caught off guard, tumbled to the floor, a happy Ryou perched on his chest.  
  
"Hunawha?" a dazed Bakura asked.  
  
"I LOVE YOU, 'KURA-CHAN!" Ryou yelled happily, throwing his arms about Bakura, effectively squeezing the air from his lungs.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I got an A in Literature! I got an A! You got an A! WE GOT AN A!" Ryou kissed Bakura's cheek, tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks.  
  
"I told you so..." Bakura said, a sloppy grin plastered on his face.  
  
"Oh, Bakura... I'm so lucky to have you! You're so good to me..."  
  
"Hey, Ryou..." Bakura mumbled, "Can you...err... get off me? We can certainly continue this, but the floor isn't very comfortable..."  
  
"Oh!" Ryou gasped, hopping off of Bakura and helping him up. "I'm sorry!"  
  
"It's all right. I know you'll be able to make it up to me," Bakura grinned, winking.  
  
"_Pfft_. Stop it or I'll poke your eye out," Ryou mumbled, going back to preparing breakfast. "...You got a letter, too. See what _your_ grades are."  
  
Bakura picked up his letter, slitting it with a fingernail. He frowned.  
  
"How bad is it?"  
  
"What makes you think it's bad?" Bakura barked.  
  
"...You're grimacing."  
  
"Well, it's not that bad. I got straight B's."  
  
"I got straight A's!" Ryou said, smiling gleefully.  
  
"...Only because I took your test for you."  
  
"I could have done it myself if you hadn't decided you needed some the night before the final..."  
  
"_So_?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"I LOVE YOU!" the two yelled in unison.  
  
Bakura sweat-dropped. "Wow..."

* * *

"Hey, Daddy!" Ryou called, "Your lover-man is here!"  
  
Pegasus stepped through the door as if he owned the place. "Hello, Ryou," he said jovially.  
  
"Stupid Pegasus."  
  
"Stupid Ryou."  
  
"He's _my_ stupid Ryou, mister! And you'd better not be saying mean things to him!" Bakura yelled in Pegasus's face.  
  
"But he started it..." Pegasus whined.  
  
"So? You're older than him. You could have ignored him."  
  
"...Of course, I'd probably get beaten up for that too, ne?"  
  
Bakura grinned. "Most likely, fruity man."  
  
"You're fruity too!"  
  
"Yes, well... my gay lover is sexier than your gay lover!"  
  
"..."  
  
"I'm ready, I'm ready!" Bob yelled, carrying several suitcases into the living room with him. "So, when are we leaving?"  
  
"Bob... I... I wanted to ask you something..."  
  
"Oh? What is it, then?"  
  
Pegasus fell. "Oh, Pegsy, are you all right?" Bob shrieked, fussing over Pegasus like a concerned mama cat. "Are you hurt? Do I need to call an ambulance? SAY SOMETHING, HONEY!"  
  
Pegasus coughed. "Bob... would you... join in a civil union with me?"  
  
Bob's eyes were shiny and happy for a moment, before he glared. "_No_!"  
  
"N-no...?" Pegasus asked, looking totally crushed. "Oh... I'm sorry to bother you, then..."  
  
"No, Pegasus, that's not what I mean. Why a civil union? We deserve to be married, just like any other couple."  
  
"But we're gay... they won't let us get married."  
  
"Well, why not? They let Britney Spears get married while she was completely plastered! Why not let two people who really love each other get married?"  
  
"...Do we love each other?" Pegasus asked, confused.  
  
Bob paused for a moment to think. "Of course we do, silly! I love you as much as Hiei loves ice crea—er, _Kurama_!"  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
"So, to stop this injustice... WE WILL STORM THE WHITE HOUSE!"  
  
"Daddy... the White House is in America. We live in Japan."  
  
"Oh... right. Well... WE'LL PROTEST IN FRONT OF THAT BUILDING THAT THEY HAVE THE DIET-THINGY IN!"  
  
"...Jenny Craig is in the United States as well, father. Do we need to call your doctor about changing your prescription?"  
  
"_Nooooo_! The Japanese legislative branch, the Diet!"  
  
"Diet Coke?" Bakura asked out of the blue. "That stuff is nasty..."  
  
"AARGH! on, Pegsy. We're going to form a picket line," Bob declared, dragging Pegasus out the door.  
  
"Wow..." Bakura said. "Should we go with them?"  
  
Ryou stared at the door they had left through. He shook his head, grinning. "No... maybe in a few years, we'll protest to the Diet about it... but right now, we'll just watch those two making fools of themselves on national TV. That way, we'll know what not to do."

* * *

"...And here, you see two men protesting in front of the Diet building," the reporter spoke into the mike. "What are your names?"  
  
"I'm... Bob."  
  
"And I'm Pegasus J. Crawford! You should all go out and buy my book!"  
  
Bob beat him over the head with a picket sign. "We're protesting here! You can advertise later!"  
  
"So... what exactly are you two protesting?" the lady asked.  
  
"See, I _told_ you we needed to write things on the signs..." Pegasus muttered, still miffed about Bob hitting him.  
  
Bob coughed. "I HAVE A DREAM!"  
  
"..._Really_?"  
  
"Yes, actually," Bob answered. "And in my dreams... THE CLOWNS ARE CHASING ME! ...Pegsy, save me..."  
  
"Oh, I get it... you two are involved in the gay rights movement, aren't you?" the news lady asked.  
  
Bob nodded vigorously. "We believe that any couple has the right to be married! Love is love!"  
  
The reporter rolled her eyes. "Well, that's lovely."  
  
"Are you rolling your eyes at me, foo'?!" Bob shouted into the microphone.  
  
"YES I AM!"  
  
"Well... why?" Bob asked, confused.  
  
"How can you two be gay? YOU'RE NOT EVEN HOT!"  
  
"...His son is gay, and _he's_ hot," Pegasus muttered. "I just got stuck with the leftovers, that's all. Otherwise, I'd be here with Ryou instead.  
  
Bob beat him with the sign again. "HOW DARE YOU, PEGSY? YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!"  
  
"So? It was in the script."  
  
"I don't care! You can't just say something like that if you don't mean it!"  
  
"For what the author pays me, I can," Pegasus said nonchalantly.  
  
Bob sobbed. "Waaaaaaaah..."  
  
"There, there," Pegasus said kindly, opening his arms. Bob gratefully collapsed into Pegasus' embrace.  
  
"I'm still mad at you," Bob said, tears rolling down his cheeks.  
  
"I know. But... that stuff I said... _it_ was in the script, too."  
  
"_W-why_? Why would she write something like that?" Bob asked. "That's so...mean..."  
  
"Hey, Bob... whadda ya say we go torch the author, huh?"  
  
"That... that sounds like it would be a lot of fun!" Bob said, eyes sparkling.  
  
(Wait! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT, YOU IDIOTS! STOP IT!)  
  
Pegasus and Bob stood, brandishing torches and pitchforks at the author.  
  
"NO YOU DON'T!" Bakura yelled.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"She... she finally made Ryou give me some!" Bakura yelled passionately, tears rolling down his cheeks. "She said she'd never do it, but she did in the end! I... I can't let you kill her after that!"  
  
Pegasus and Bob lowered their weapons slightly.  
  
"She... she brought the two of us together... when no one else would!" Bob murmured.  
  
"That's probably because no one wants to read Pegasus x Ryou's Dad," Bakura muttered.  
  
"YOU SHUT UP!" they both snapped at Bakura.  
  
"Jeez..." Bakura muttered.

* * *

"Bakura, what are you doing on TV?" Ryou asked.  
  
"I dunno..." Bakura answered.  
  
"You're right here, but you're on the TV at the same time... and this is a live feed..."  
  
"Hmm..." Bakura murmured, mulling it over. "Then that must be..."  
  
"_OTOGI_!" they yelled.  
  
DUN DUN DUN!

* * *

"Hi, everybody," Otogi greeted, slipping out of his Bakura costume.  
  
"What?" Bob and Pegasus asked.  
  
"Wow!" the reporter said, eyes glowing with happiness. "Are you gay too?"  
  
"Yup," Otogi said, smiling.  
  
"You... YOU HAVE _DIIIIIIIICE_!"  
  
"Yep. I have dice. They're really nice, aren't they?" He asked, flicking one of his earrings so that it went all shimmery and sparkly.  
  
"Wow... all right, folks! I WANT ALL YOU LIBERALS OUT HERE TO COME AND PICKET FOR GAY RIGHTS WITH US! WE CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT HERE, SO GET YOUR SEXY A— !"

* * *

The screen went black.  
  
"I wonder what's wrong..."  
  
An old man with a disgruntled look on his face appeared on the screen. "We sincerely apologize for what just happened. We were having severe technical difficulties, and... well, we still are. So maybe you should watch Dr. Phil or something." The man coughed. "...And that was how it was!"  
  
Ryou flicked the TV off. The two of them stared at the blank screen for a moment, before...  
  
"Wanna make out?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Sure," Ryou answered with a smile.  
  
"...I like couches," Bakura declared.  
  
"Really? Well, _I_ like beds," Ryou said with a smirk.

* * *

AN: Well, folks... it's over. Whew. That was... a long and bumpy road, I guess. I'm still expecting you to review. If you don't review, I shall cry. I shall cry lots and lots and the tears will pour from your computer screen and FLOOD YOUR HOUSE! cough  
  
Well, that was odd. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.  
  
Oh, and watch out for my next fic, which I'm planning on uploading within the next few days. It's a Yuu Yuu Hakusho, though. It centers around Kurama, Karasu, and Hiei... and stuff. You'll just have to check it out sometime, ne? grin  
  
I love you all (though in a yellow rose way), and I'm glad you've made it this far! This is me, signing off. 


End file.
